Sacrifices...

Sacrifices..
It comes in all shapes, sizes, forms and situation...

From the day we know each other..
You made all the big sacrifices and choices that no one could ever be compared to...

You sacrificed youth..
Times that cannot be turn back..
Time that only goes forward..
You made the sacrifice of your young years to be with me..
Just to ensure that I don't feel like a waste..

You sacrificed wealth..
Wealth that could have been yours..
When other offeres you a lifetime of no worries, no such thing as poverty, you pushed them aside..
Just to be with me..

You sacrificed your free time..
Time that is necessary for you to recover..
Time that is for you to rest, to lay in bed and be well rested..
Just to ensure that I never felt left alone..

You sacrificed the one thing...
As a prove that anything everything is for me..

When I was admitted, you sacrificed your mileage..
Just to be sure that I eat enough, I sleep enough, I never be left alone at the hospital, despite that being a public holiday..

You hold up with me..
With all my tantrum..
My high headed moods..
My constant tears..
My never-ending sought of neediness..
My unstoppable communication..
My everyday lust..
In short, with all that I am...

Nur Azierah...
You are, a jewel that can never ever in any of my lifetime, be replaced..
You are the Queen, you are the King, and you are my everything...

I know all my apologies are priceless...
I know all my promises are becoming dull..
I know I speak empty even when it's full..

But my love.. 
My misses.. 
My neednesss..
My breath.. 
Are for you...

And you are the only one...

My wife....

Years are a whole..

When the holiday comes..
Our months of the years completes..

24 chapters were completed..
Another year ends..  And a new chapter begins..

I still remember it like it was yesterday..
How the two of us started off..
It was our second video call since we know each other..
We were talking and it was almost time to turn say goodnight..
And you ask me..
<- ❤ ->...  -> ❤ <- ?
And i nodded...
It wasn't much but that was how it started.. 

And then we first met.. 
You're with a pink t-shirt and I'm in an orange shirt.. 
You asked me to stay in the car, shying away from making me being seen by others..
I poked your stomach and there were no response..
I laughed a bit..

Comes to our first official date.. 
Where we took our official picture together..
We shook both our world with just one picture.. 

Then all of it starts..
Your first mama visit..
My first mak n bapak visit..
Our couple ring during our first valentine's together..
My firsy birthday celebration with you at Victoria station..
Our first puasa and raya together..
And then your first birthday celebration that I've done..
It was memorable...
And then comes to our first anniversary..
We went all out for it..
We even got to one point where we agreed to get engaged...

But that was when a chapter started..
My downfall.. 
My period of time where I failed you at the most..
The new me almost destroyed us..
I learn from mistakes..
I learn to understand you better..
I learn all of it to be a better man..

Also we finally got engaged.. 
A point where both of us never got to during our lifetime...
It was a life changing experience..
2nd May 2015..
The day you became my fiancée..

We passed all our second years with a lot of things that happened.. 
Never deny that I was the cause...

Starting 15th December..
I'll change for the better..
I'll learn to be better..
In just 4 more months we will finally complete the knot that are tied..

Nur Azierah...
I promise with all my heart..
With all my love..
My care and my breath..
2016 will be a wonderful year for you and I..
Knew that I love you as much as the many breath that I breathe in..
I miss you as many as my heart pumps..

I knew that I really took my time for a new update..
Forgive me my love for making you wait..

Remember..
My heart beats for you...
My breath is for you..
My love always and forever only be yours..

I love you my future wifey...

Time: 12.29am..

Diamonds are forever...

5 months ago..
We've tied half the knot together...
We've become each other's fiancee..
And with that everything began...

Both of us tested..
Both of us are put through life challenges..

You're tested..
With patience..
With family...
With stress..
With loneliness..
With depression...

I'm tested..
With revelations..
With patience..
With trust..
With family and friends..
With loneliness..

Things happened,
Stories are told,
Feelings are a roller coaster ride,
And both of us almost fall from it..

Day by day,
Week by week,
Months,
Both of us are being tested..
To see what would be..

Like a diamond..
It starts with just a lump of coal..
Put under a pressure..
The end results all depend on how the coal handles it..
Will it break..
Or will it become a beautiful diamond...

I'm not giving up on this..
I'm not giving up on you..
I'll push through all challenges put in front of us..

I'll take all the injuries..
I'll take all the punches,
I'll take all the mouthing..
I'll take all  the beatings..
I'll carry you on my back, shelter you from all of it..

7 months to go..
214 days to go..
That maybe look like a long journey to go,
But it's not..
It's a short period of time..
Both of us are being prepared..

To be,
Lawfully,
A wedded husband
A wedded wife
A caring father,
A loving mother,
A grumpy grandfather,
A sweet smiling grandmother
And a memory to future generations..

Let's both of us hold carve this rock,
Hold the hammer and chisel together..
Carve our memories together..

Nevermind the pressure that is given,
The pressure is nothing to the lump of coal,
As it's slowly turning to a diamond..

With all hopes that I put,
I hope that you're not giving up on this..
On us..

I love you my future wifey,
I love you Nor Azierah...

Listening to: Salam Rindu

Mood: Menyebut namamu di setiap nafasku..

Challenges..

These two months has been a challenging stage in my life.. One thing happens after another.. and one by one it's unravelling.. Never did I feel this far from life..I know I can, but right now I can't... I'm still ingesting.. Acceptance will arrive, it's on its way.. What happened, happened, nothing can change it.. Everyone has their own trial at this stage.. This is mine, and I accept it, and learn from it.. Life experience is everywhere.. We'll never stop learning it.. I'll be who I was, say your last goodbye to who I am.. I'll return to how it was, not how it is now..  This is my life promise..

I kept all of it deep inside, in a box far from anything.. Each time something tries to triggers it, I push it far deeper so that it dies all by itself in time and let it no longer be a memory, but a forgotten history..

I'll do anything..

I'll do anything to see you smile 
I'll give everything to see you happy..
I'll sacrifice everything to be with you..

I'll change the man that you hate, to be the man you want..
I'll change my ways, to not see you hurt..
I'll change the stance, hoping that you will be  comfortable with me...
I'll stop with my foods, for you to see me in shape..
I'll change myself, to be the man that you wanted me to be..

I'm sorry for all the things,
all the sorrows,
all the hatred,
all the emotions
all the madness
all of the giving ups
and all of me..

I'm sorry for being the man you hate..
I'll destroy him, and be the man you want..
I'm sorry for today, for the mistakes I've done throughout our time..
I promise I'll make up to you, in time.

I love you, always and forever be, my love..
I miss you that I have to disturb you all the time..
I'm also sorry for that..
I know I'm always a burden for you to carry, especially with current times that I'm incapable of driving at the moment..
I'm sorry for troubling you with me every day of the week, and the weekends, too..

Azierah,
From the bottom of my heart,
I'm sorry..
I'm truly sorry..

No matter what...

*Play this while reading*




This months marks our 18 months together..
This 14th will be our 1 year, 6 months together..
1 year 5 months of being together, as boyfriend and girlfriend,
and 1 month of being fiancee..

Last year was a lot for us..
How we met..
How we got together..
Our first meet..
Our first date..
Our first visit..
Our first parent meet..
Our first family meet..


We have gone through what we want,
Thick and thins,
High and low,
Sweet and sour,
Smile and cry,
And even pleasure..

Every day we wake up, it's a new day for both of us..
A new experience we will have,
A new adventure for us to go,
A new place for us to visit,
A new challenge we have to go through
A new mistake for us to do and learnt from it..

No matter what happens,
What we have to go through,
My promise and swear to you is,
I will always be there..
I will always be by your side..
I will always get you up when you're down..
I will always try to make you smile when you're sobbing..
I will always learn new things with you..
Always...

I love you my darling Azierah..
I always miss your smile..
I always miss your laugh..
I always miss your dance..
I always miss hearing your voice when we talk..
I always miss the smell of you..
I always miss your touch on my skin..
I always miss your touch to my lips..

I always misses you as a whole..
As you, as you are..
I love you so much...

Sometimes songs is how I can explain it..

The only way to describe how important you are in my life..

Hence I give you this song.. I love you my bby..





Your smile, I think I've seen it before 
In a dream or place that I know 
Can it be that you're in front of my eyes 
It's like I've been hypnotized 
Hold me inside that is real 
I'm scared this moment might pass 
They usually say, it's too good to be true 
But you break the rules 

Could it be that you're the one I've 
Waited for been patient for 
It was worth it you're worth it 
I know it's real this time

Didn't know I could fall in love this way 
Didn't know that you'd take all my fears away 
Didn't know you'd be the man of my dreams 
Didn't know it now I know it
now I know, know that you're real 

It's funny how we look back 
To the days when we were just friends 
Crazy to think, we never noticed before 
But it's true what they say 

Could it be that you're the one I've 
Waited for been patient for 
It was worth it you're worth it 
I know it's real this time

Didn't know I could fall in love this way 
Didn't know that you'd take all my fears away 
Didn't know you'd be the man of my dreams 
Didn't know it now I know it
now I know, know that you're real 

They say that love takes time 
Time to build a trust 
Trust that makes it last
Last a lifetime 
Sometimes it's the one 
One you never thought 
Thought that they could be
Be the one 

Didn't know I could fall in love this way 
Didn't know that you'd take all my fears away 
Didn't know you'd be the man of my dreams 
Didn't know it now I know it
Now I know, know that you're real