Belated...

How time flies..
At this very moment you are officially 22 years old..
Pining at the times, where the 8th is a golden day
Picking the place, time and the surprise, I push the best to make your day
Your eyes were glowing then, the smiles you gave, the happiness that I see, I always know it was worth it.


2 days ago was a Tuesday,
2 days before that was a Sunday

Yet the day before that was a Saturday
Enter the day of the year
A day you always have waited
Rushing to prepare yourself.
Since that's the day you'll be taking half of it off.

Breaking record of the fastest run, you run from the flour and eggs
I was waiting in your gateway car.
Reaching the door you look tired
To home we go, you prepare yourself
How long did I wait, it wasn't matter.
Doing your hair, choosing the dress,
An hour is as a second
Yes, upon the end, you were as a goddess.

To the car we ride,
Only to realize there was a surprise.

You look into the car and a bouquet you found
One of the surprise is all you know, for now.
Until the dining, the surprise hidden.

Moving as slow as we can we spend the time
You look nervous, as you're figuring the dine.

Looking out as we reached, you hide your urge
Open area is all I show, you felt a surge.
Viciously with your eyes you look for the signs
Empirically stagnant you stand, looking at me.

I took your hand and to the left we go

Looking around, again you try to look.
Only after reaching the place the surprise are all shown
Violins? no. A band? no. It was only a simple one.
Expertly designed heart shaped balloon with an almost candlelight dinner awaits.

You sat and with your smile
Open beach with 4 course meal I surprised.
Upon the end of the day,you thanked me

Sunday comes, another day for us.
One one marks eleven months.

Morning was a bit relaxing, we agreed at one
Until that time we have our own time
Closing up on the make up
How natural you should be? As you can.

After the engadgement
Zu we waved goodbye.
I prepared our chariot and we drove to the end of day.
Entertaining ourselves along the way
Racing time? not at all
A day of happy and sad we had that day
Hours go by with a happy face.

Much of both the two days
Month coming, our anniversary awaits
U have the surprise, and I have mine.
At the 14th, we will have that day
Hoped to celebrate on the 9th,though.
Hehehe, it's a Tuesday.

I will never stop planning for you.

I will never stop planning for us.

I will never stop loving you

I will never waste what you give, for us.

I love you my bby Azierah.

Since then, right now, and always will.

Time:5.26

Mood: Missing you.

I'm a failure...

This is me..

I'm a failure..

I'm a disappointment..

I don't know how to care for a heart..

A heart that is caring..

A heart that is worrying..

A heart that is loving..

A heart that is sharing..

A heart that is sweet..

Azierah..

I'm sorry for being the disappointment that I am..

I'm sorry for not being the only person that doesn't break your heart..

I'm sorry for not being there when you're down..

I'm sorry that I could not be the person you needed when you needed the most..

I'm sorry that I always ruin moments..

I'm sorry that I always ruin a lot of things..

Our days..

Our nights..

Our moments..

I wanted you to be always happy..

I wanted you to always smile..

I wanted you to always be in my care..

I wanted you to always be positive..

I wanted you to know how much I care about you..

I wanted you to know how I will always be there for you..

I wanted to show you how you mean to me..

I wanted to show you how much I love you..

But ..

I always has a way of hurting you...

I always has a way of putting a scar in your heart..

I always has a way of putting bad memories more than good ones..

I always has a way of shooting down dreams you have..

I'm sorry for all of my imperfections..

I'm sorry that I have this in me..

I'm sorry for all the hurt that you feel when I'm around..

I'm sorry for all the yelling that you have to hold..

I'm sorry for everything..

I hurt the one that is special to me..

I hurt my breath..

I hurt my heartbeat..

I hurt the blood flowing in me..

I hurt my eyes..

I hurt my mouth..

I hurt my soul..

I hurt you..

I promised you that I would remove all the scars present because of me..

I promised you that I would not add a new scar in your heart..

I promised that I will remove all the bad memories of me you have..

And replace with good ones..

I promised that no matter what, I'll stop hurting you..

I broke all my promises today..

I'm truly a dissapointment..

I'm sorry for what I am..

I'm sorry for always making you doubt of how special you are to me..

I know you always wondered how special are our days compared to my past..

I know how you wanted something just for you and me..

I never have an answer..

I'm sorry for that..

I'm sorry for everything..

I'm sorry for hurting you..

I'm sorry my love..

I'm sorry my precious Azierah..

I'm sorry..

I've asked a lot of your forgiveness..

More than I'm making you feeling special..

Again I'm sorry for that..

For being the failure that I am...

First... Lasts.. Forever..

When we first met..
I can see your determination..
Longest I have search for you..
Looking at you as how you looked for me...

You shine up my life..
Opening my morning with a smile..
Untying me from world's bound..

Baby, will you be
Eternally mine..?

My one and only..
Yes you are...

While you might not see it
I cherish you with all my heart..
From the bottom of my heart...
Echoing through the darkness

Azierah..
Zoning out was your habit..
Indistinct focus was your weakness..
Entering my mind was your specialties..
Relaxation was not your strong suit..
Assorting life was your aim..
Helping others are your uniqueness..
... You do changed a lot just for me..

I appreciates all of it..

Listening to your stories I can never stop to relate.
Only that I could never say..
Veering from one story to another..
Exponentially I learn of you..

Yes, Some of the words you read are not related..
Only if you read the first of each..
Until the end you'll see...

Phom Rak Khun Azierah..

Te valde amo (I love you so much) Nur Azierah..
How far it is...
How high it is..
How deep it is..
How much of it..
How truly it is..
Ego dilexi te, iam non moritur (My love for you will never die)

Je t'aime tellement (I love you so much) Nur Azierah
Since the day we meet..
All my scares are gone..
All my scars are wounded..
All my scales are over the top..
All my lust are yours..
My gaze stops at you..
Je vais être le vôtre mon amour( I will only be yours my love) ..

我爱你 (I love you) Nur Azierah...
For all the months we spent together..
For all the moments we went through together..
All the highs and lows that life throws at us..
All the happiness we smiles upon..
All the sorrow that we see each other through..
All the laughs..
All the sulks..
All the smirks..
All the pamper..
All of it..
所有的时间我与你共度每一天都是无价的 (All the time I spend with you every day is priceless)

Nur Azierah..
私は私の心の底からあなたを愛して (I love you from the bottom of my heart)
I always do..
Each of my heartbeat are with you..
All of the air that I breathe are with you..
All my eye blinks..
All the sweet my tongue feels..
All the skin feels that I felt..
All with never stop thinking about you..
私はあなたの体、あなたの心が欲しいとさえ自分のみ鉱山であることが (I want your body, your mind and you to be only mine)..

Nur Azierah..
Setiap saat tanpa suaramu.. tanpa pandanganmu.. tanpamu..
I feel no purpose of life..
I fees the need to just drive..
Just drive to you..
Just to see your eyes with the smile upon..
Just to taste your lips..
Just to feel your touch..
Just to feel you around me..
Just for the thoughts of seeing you..
Saya hilang tanpa awak...

I would always pray..
For us to be together..
Just the two of us..
And the offspring of you and me..
Together..
Forever..


Time: 1.07am
Listening to: Gym Class Heroes with Adam Levine - Stereo Hearts and your snore :p
Mood: smiling alone while looking at you

World of Our Own

One day I woke up into the darkness..

No light to shine my road..

Nobody to guide me..

Not a single sound was heard..

Not a single smell is present..

I choked in my breath and stand up..

I wandered around the world looking for a meaning of life..

And I came across a mirror..

Sitting aside with it's side to me..

It looked normal yet it looked different..

I walk slowly toward the mirror..

Stealing a small gaze I turn the mirror toward me..

What I see make me smile, yet make me surprised..

I see myself looking at a mirror..

But..

The dress is different..

The sex is different..

The voice is different..

The smile is better..

The eyes locks faster..

It is me..

But it's not me..

It looks like me..

It knows me..

But it's not me..

It is Azierah..

It is my significant other..

It is the other half of me..

The other half to my half..

I opened my palm toward the mirror..

Upon the first touch it cracks..

From the first touch it expands..

From the expansion we look at each other..

Reaching the last crack, the mirror shatters..

Closing palms to the face, we cover from the glass..

From a dream turn to reality..

We face each other..

Eyes locking together..

I reach to your hand..

I take your hand and pull..

Into the dark world that is in view..

With a smile you put up a light..

With my hand in yours you draw around..

The light was so shining I had to close my eyes..

Wave after wave of colors you draw the world..

The world of our own..

Something smells nice..

What is that sound? It is soothing..

What is the wind breeze? It's calming..

What was that? A calming voice calls out my name..

What is it Azierah? But I'm scared to open my eyes..
Are you sure? Alright I'll do it..
I slowly open my eyes..

Your smile greeted my eyes..

Slowly the adjustment shows around..

A world you created..

Just for the two of us..

Just for us to live in..

A world where we have no worry of anything..

A world where we can always be together..

A world where we are who we are..

A world of you and me..

The World of Our Own..

Time: 5.23pm

Song listened: Bougainvillea

Modd: Missing you so much right now..

Di Sebalik Mahligai..

Di sebalik mahligai yang dibina..
Sekian enam bulan tersusun bata-batanya..
Tiada disangka disebalik keteguhan tiang tiang yang dibina..
Terdapat kotoran di sebaliknya..

Akan tetapi tiada salahmu kotoran itu..
Tiada punca darimu..
Tiada persembunyian darimu..
Semuanya dari diriku..

Diriku yang menanam kotoran itu..
Tanpa pengetahuanmu..
Sekian enam bulan dirimu mengetahui kotoran itu..
Tapi dirimu mendiami..

Memberi ku peluang bicara..
Memberi ku peluang membuka..
Memberi ku peluang bersuara..
Memberi ku peluang tanpa lelah..

Sehinngga enam bulan dirimu mendiami..
Sehingga dirimu bersuara..
Menunjukkan semua kotoran yang ditanam..

Dengan setengah langkah dirimu memaling..
Aku menahan..
Aku menegah.
Aku menidakkan pemergianmu..

Aku memohon maaf..
Aku memohon keampunan darimu..
Aku memohon satu peluang terakhir darimu..
Aku memohon satu peluang untukku menghilangkan segala kotoran yang ada..
Aku memohon satu peluang untukku memulihkan mahligai yang dibina..

Akan ku hapuskan segala kotoran yang ada..
Akan ku buka mahligai yang kita bina..
Bata demi bata..
Akan ku pulihkan segalanya..
Akan ku cuci sehingga suci...

Akan ku hapuskan segala kotoran dari diriku..
Akan ku hapuskan segala najis mindaku..
Akan ku hapuskan busuk di hatiku..

Untuk mencapai mahligai yang kita rancang..
Untuk mencapai semua ceritera tersurat dan tersirat di setiap perbualan..
Untuk mencapai nafas terakhir kita bersama-sama..

Nur Azierah..
Dirimu darah yang mengalir di setiap sisip badan..
Dirimu jantung yang berdegup memberi nyawa padaku..
Pernafasanmu yang memberi udara padaku..
Matamu yang membantu aku melihat..
Suaramu memberi aku pendengaran..
Sentuhanmu yang membantu aku merasa..
Alunan rambutmu menyingkap setiap deriaku padamu..

Nur Azierah..
Aku mencintaimu hanya seorang..
Aku merinduimu hanya seorang..
Aku memerlukanmu hanya seorang..
Aku berghairah padamu hanya seorang..
Aku memikirkanmu hanya seorang..
Aku melihat padamu hanya seorang..
Aku bernafas hanya nafasmu seorang..

Nur Azierah..
Akan ku pastikan dirimu terlihat..
Hanya dirimu seorang untukku..
Hanya dirimu kekasih hatiku..
Hanya dirimu buah hatiku..
Hanya dirimu cinta matiku..
Hanya dirimu permaisuri hidupku...

Nur Azierah..
Ku pohon tiada henti kemaafan hatimu..
Ku pohon tiada henti agar dirimu memaafkan goblok insan ini..
Ku pohon tiada henti agar dirimu tiada melangkah pergi..
Ku pohon tiada henti agar tiada titik noktah buku ini..

Kerana dirimu begitu berharga..
Ini bukan iklan maybelline..
Ini kenyataan..

Akan ku cuci minda..
Akan ku cuci hati..
Akan ku cuci segalanya..
Mahu secara zahir dan batin..
Mahu secara hukuman dan pukulan..
Mahu setiap cara yang ada..
Agar terbukti padamu cinta tulus ikhlas hatiku..

Masa: 5.02 petang
Lagu didengari - Backstreet Boys - Shape Of My Heart
Mood - Bersalah

Half of each..

Today marks six months we have been together..

How time flies...

Six months...

Twenty-six weeks..

One hundred and eighty-three days..

Four thousand three hundred and eighty-three hours,,

Two hundred sixty-two thousand nine hundred and seventy four minutes..

Fifteen million five hundred fifty-two thousand seconds..

One may look like it is only six months..

One may say it is not a year..

One may say it is not ten years..

One may say it is not so long..

Nobody see this like us..

How we see each other..

How we see the slowness of time..

How we see the ups and downs everyday..

How we see life as it is..

The second you smile at me..

The second you look into my eyes..

The second you smirk..

The second you laugh at my goofs..

The second you close your eyes to sleep..

The second you patiently wait my loss..

The second when everything happen at once...

The whole six months feels like six weeks..

The whole six months took only twenty-six weeks..

The whole six months has six years of experience..

The whole six months has sixteen years of story..

The whole six months has sixty years of plannning..

We have been through a lot..

We have been throug the ups of life..

We have been through the downs of life..

We have been through the happy of life..

We have been through the sad of life..

No matter what happens, 

I will be right here beside you..

I will hold your hand..

I will walk with you on this road..

I will look at you..

I will smile with you..

And we shall walk to the end of life.together..

My love Nur Azierah..

Time: 11.50pm

Song listened: Marc Anthony - My Baby You

Mood: Appreciating you.

I am sorry...

Today was supposed to be the happiest day in our life..
Today was supposed to be the day we cheer upon..
Today was the day we have been hoping for..
Today was the day he accepted without fight..

You were just being concerned of my well being..
You were just asking about how I was feeling..
You were being how a relationship would be..

And I got my high note on you..
I talk impolitely toward you..

I should have not done that..
I should have not let it got the best of me..
I could have said it properly..
I should have controlled myself..

I am sorry my love..
I am sorry to have hurt you..
I am sorry to have made you scared of me..
I am sorry to have made you lost your excitement..
I am sorry to have turn the happiest day to the worst one..

Please forgive my stupidity..
Please forgive my impatience..
Please forgive my damned self..
Please stop doubting my sincerity..

I want to be with you.
I want to meet your family..
I want to talk about our engagement..
I want to talk about our wedding..
I want to talk about the day we have our own house..
I want to talk about the day we have a child together..
I want to talk about the day we let our child be married..
I want to talk about the day we have our own grandchildren..
I want all of that, together..

With you..

Please forgive me...

Time:  1.28AM

Listening to: Backstreet Boys

Karpal Singh maut dalam kemalangan Jalan Raya!

How I Met Your Mother - The Love Of Barney's Life

What if...

What If..

What if..
I never applied for school transfer..
You decided to object the idea of entering our school..

What if..
I was in another school, far far away..
You entered another school, much further away..

What if..
I never became addicted to IT..
You had been a nerd student in school..

What if..
I am in a relationship..
You are in a relationship..

What if..
He never went away..

What if..
I did not broke up..
You did not broke up..

What if..
I never commented on your status..
You stop texting me altogether..

What if..
Our past never crossed...
Our story never crossed..
Our path never crossed..


All that happened..
All the happiness..
All the sadness..
All the sorrow..
All the stress..
Everything..

If all of that did not happen..
I would have not met you..
We would not fall in love..
We would not be together..
We would not have even known each other..

Everyday..
I thank my angel for putting us together..
I thank my angel for what has happened..
I thank my angel for the test received..
I thank my angel for sending you to me..

And everyday..
I love you for being with me..
I love you for making me smiles..
I love you for caring of me..
I love you for going out with me..
I love you for all the quirky faces..
I love you for all I never experienced..
I love you for accepting me as I am..
I love you for understanding me..
I love you for thinking..
and even saying before what I say..

And I love you..
For lighting my roads..
Helping me up when I'm down..
Cheering me up when I'm sad..
Advising me when I need it..
Even being there for me when I need it..

Nur Azierah..
I love you with all my heart..
I love you with all myself..
I love you with all my thoughts..

I hope..
we would be till the end..
we walk down the aisle..together..
we would have children together..
we would be parents together..
we would grow old together..

That my last breath..
Is with you..

I love you..
I miss you..

Time: 10.23p.m.

Album listened: None.

Mood: Missing you so much right now..